Unbeknownst to me, an unpleasant surprise awaited me that fateful October morning, which (bore no relation toward the following national headline news) and drenched the media in that (then) infamous O.J. Simpson three ring circus trial!

I awoke as usual and performed my customary half-hour plus meditation, a shuteye discipline still followed today!

Before proceeding with the next phase of sans morning routine (the then fiancé -- one Abby Robin Zison -- who spent the night with me at our transitional domicile) immediate raced like the dickens back up the two flights of stairs (like that eponymous bat out of hell) after she set foot out the door of this apartment (located in Ambler, Pennsylvania) and intent on driving to her job at the Goddard School in East Norriton!

In a combination of pantomime and words, she attempted to communicate with a modicum of clarity the urgent news of what best be described as one dire predicament that required sudden action and resolution without delay!

The rather short driveway within which I parked my car (if memory serves me correctly, a mid 1980s Grey Ford Escort) the previous night appeared most definitely to be locked within a chain linked fence!

Thy future spouse (wedding date yet to be hashed out at that point) strongly advised against mine other ante -- meridian routine, which constituted a hodgepodge of exercise stretches that usually comprised an hour plus time!

The suggestion also got made (from this not yet ready to be bartered bride) to confront the landlady, and sternly insist corrective action be taken, lest this storyteller, and his betrothed (and technically girlfriend) might compromise either of our respective jobs!

Illogical and without rhyme or reason, I disregarded the pragmatic voice of wisdom and proceeded to go through the series of quasi martial arts body stretches that also usually acted as a balm, salve, tonic, et cetera to calm the predilection toward generalized anxiety!

Throughout the duration of this self-concocted work-out, an uneasy feeling overcame me and appreciably diminished the ordinary energizing uplifting affect derived from what best be portrayed as low key Kung-Fu!

Try with all the spiritual might within mine focused mien to enjoy the gentle flexing of tense muscles synchronized with internalized Metronome pulse of endorphins, a flood of unpleasant thoughts filled my mind!

This palpable prophetic prescient gut feeling would turn out to be validated!

Prior to heading off to bed the prior night, I expressed a serious to said pseudo peculiar owner to find another place to live based on matters kept tucked inside the recesses of mine noggin!

You blessed reader privy to know and heck (with nearly a decade and a half since expressed incident could guarantee that the antagonist no longer habituates the residence in question), this might find a receptive audience to boot!

A number of aversions promptly prevailed whence stumbling upon this ramshackle demesne, yet desperation to find shelter from getting the heave ho from me late mum necessitated accepting the accommodations!

Her cigarette smoking ranked (on a par with chimney burning wood at full blast) as the primary source of revulsion! Rather than come across as insensitive and/or mean, I simply expressed the honest sentiment at being extremely averse to @#$%ing second smoke hand smoke from those little cancer sticks!

Asphyxiation (from those innocent looking wisps of nicotine) nearly found me choking nearly half to death even after putting a towel under the door while additionally keeping the bedroom window wide opened!

No matter, the twisting tendrils of tobacco found their way into the ole factory nasal cavity of one health conscious holistic being housed among what revealed herself to be one deranged dame!

Another factor fueling festering fear comprised the pervasive odor of cat urine! The litter boxes (to all intents and purposes) did not appear to be cleaned of feline fecal matter from ages!

Upon summoning effort and energy to communicate bona fide concerns, she responded with contempt!

The insidious wheels of malice began to turn! She madly paced back and forth across a small patch of uncluttered space (like a caged wild animal) in the main foyer all the while no doubt internally plotting some vengeful strategy!

Castigations, fulminations, and insinuations flew out of her mouth to leave lastly lacerations proclaiming to owe so much money in back rent, when no formal agreement drawn up upon first becoming a boarder!

Her devious disposition became crystal clear the morning I faced the dilemma of automobile anguish (alluded to above) awash with utmost angst -- say (in a manner of writing) the least!

Oh no shadow of a doubt that she schemed while yours truly soundly slept and dreamt without incident until the morrow and beginning of this story!

Out of her bag of tricks, she unwittingly drew forth the trappings to concoct some personal vendetta!

I sorely regretted not heeding the words of acting more rationally and swiftly versus my choice to lollygag!

After I washed, dressed and headed downstairs, the nightmare became a living reality!

An empty house (Samir, the other occupant left hours earlier) eerily echoed each and every footstep as first than one foot than the other and paused at the second landing (to confirm a strong hunch) that nary a soul could be heard nor seen!

No zombie like entity (vaguely akin to a homo sapiens) appeared from the "DO NOT DISTURB" sign affixed outside the sleeping area shared with a coterie of felines jumped out ranting and raving obscenities (at the computer screen or phantasmagoric phantom) lurking like a lunatic!

Nonetheless, I continued to tread down to the lower level with a glimmer (albeit that quickly faded) of optimism to bolster my heavy mood.

Perhaps that spare set of keys nearly always left tantalizingly dangling in the unused door latch got carelessly left behind!

Spirits soared that just as quickly sank to the abyss of my psyche! Guess what? No such luck!

Oh, she most definitely took precautions and hid this temptation to make a getaway!

Well...I stepped outside to assess the situation! Blimey! A deadbolt found the gate shut tight as a bug in a rug!

A far-fetched solution slowly began to take shape to shape!

Ah, a handsaw got left on a tool chest in plain view. This invited an impulse to escape from this perilous hell!

Prior to acting on the plan that rapidly hatched in me head, I made a small number of telephone calls. The first contact incorporated a call to the employer thence to the local police in order to file a complaint!

Upon gently placing the phone back on the cradle, my fingers twitched to busily saw into just one steel link (grappling with all the steely mettle within myself) in an effort to break the bound that shackled my vehicle so this fellow could afford to hightail out of the nefarious nightmare!

A surge of adrenaline coursed from head to toe, my heart pounded as if it would burst from mine chest and palms perspired profusely with the unexpected arrival of evil incarnate!

I nervously glanced around anticipating that sinister female form ready to pounce and deliver her violent retribution, which blows from a blunt heavy object, would invariably render me unconscious!

For better or worse, a kind face of destiny smiled from the countenance of an unseen karma smiled upon my essence as shaking hands madly moved the saw handle back and forth dozens of times until...THE CHAIN BROKE AND SET ME FREE!

I pushed the fence back, drove the car to the street and refashioned the gate to give the impression no damage took place!

As I rode off to work, a giddy sensation washed over this driver! I could only imagine the shell shocked, slack jawed, speechless, et cetera reaction of the loony landlord!